


A Pillar of Pride

by like_lions



Series: The Hargreeves and Their Mommy Issues [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Conflict, Daddy Issues, Double Agents, Family Bonding, Family Drama, Family Dynamics, Family Secrets, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Lesbian Vanya Hargreeves, Mommy Issues, Multi, No Lesbians Die, Other, Parallel Universes, Post-Canon, Protective Siblings, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Season/Series 03, Sibling Bonding, The Sparrow Academy (Umbrella Academy), Vanya Hargreeves Gets a Hug, sparrow - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:13:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27138496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/like_lions/pseuds/like_lions
Summary: The Umbrella Academy meets The Sparrow Academy, Reginald Hargreeves' new and improved superpowered children. Well, that was the goal, anyway. Best laid plans.Or: If you do the same thing over and over again, you can't expect a different result.Or: The Sparrow Academy are villains and the team has to rely on an unexpected group of people to help stop them.
Series: The Hargreeves and Their Mommy Issues [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1971142
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	1. Power Pose

**Author's Note:**

> Truthfully not sure what this is, I just had some ideas for the Sparrow Academy characters and started writing. Not sure if I should flesh this out more and take it into a full serious multi-chapter fic or keep it kind of light. Let me know your thoughts!

Wool is not suitable for everyday wear - it’s not even in season! Yet every time they returned home the tragic souls of the Sparrow Academy were forced into these suit sets, culottes for the boys and skirts stolen off the rack at a nunnery for the girls.

Their dad wondered why nearly half of them never wanted to come back, as if the stuffy old building with uneven floors and vintage furniture wasn’t enough of a reason to stay away. But no, this was a special occasion, one their father Reginald Hargreeves had been anxiously anticipating for months (years, even) and he was not going to settle for anything less than perfect costuming and timing for his big day.

_“Remember to power pose, this is a moment and you only have one chance to get it right!”_

_—_

_“Dad, who the hell are these assholes?”_

Number One always had such a way with words. A real poet of his time, really. If he ever took his head out of his graphic novels he could probably be somebody. Unfortunately, Number One hadn’t yet quite lived up to the potential his father was so certain he had. But to be fair, none of them had.

After a thoroughly awkward pause while everyone stood around waiting for someone to speak first, one of the shadows on the balcony stepped out of formation and cried out, “Are we done here? I have someplace to be.”

“Number Two, back in position!” Reginald commanded. Number Two rolled her eyes and stepped back, her shoulders hanging low. The senior Hargreeves had years to prepare and get the formula right for the perfect group of superpowered children - you’d think he would have had more success this time around.

“Dad, what is this?” Luther asked in earnest. Always Daddy’s favorite, he was still hurt by the prospect of being replaced (and potentially erased) in this timeline.

Reginald scoffed. “Dad,” he said with a laugh. “I’m not your father! And this is not your home. You’re all much too insolent for my taste.”

“So are you going to tell us what’s going on, or are you gonna stand around and wait for us to guess?” Five said with a huff, sitting down on the couch despite this apparently not being their house.

“Well alright, let’s show you then,” he said with a flourish. “Children, downstairs at once!” He said it so triumphantly you’d think they would walk in an orderly, obedient formation. Alas, they hadn’t rehearsed that part dozens of times.

“Get out of my way!” one of the boys cried.

“Ladies’ first, asshole,” a girl said with a biting edge.

“If it’s ladies first then I’m the only one who should be leading,” Number Two said, pushing herself forward.

Number One rolled his eyes. His family was a constant embarrassment, even in their own home.

“Stop pushing me!”

“Shut up.”

“Don’t tell him to shut up!”

Reginald continued to keep up his painted on smile. His family wasn’t about to ruin this family reunion for him. When they finally made their way downstairs they got the full up and down from the members of the Umbrella Academy.

“Line up, hurry along,” Reginald commanded as the group clumsily got into position. This was much easier when they were younger and stupider. “Introductions, at once. You’ve all met Number One.”

Number One nodded with a sarcastic wave. He looked just like Ben… that is if Ben never outgrew his emo phase. Despite being Number One he didn’t seem particularly confident in his position, tending to hang back amidst his more outgoing siblings.

“Number One, state your power.”

He sighed and replied, “Nightmare formation. Tentacles, monsters, the works.”

Reginald beamed with pride as not-Ben fell back.

“Number Two,” the first girl, a tall brunette with pale eyes and brown skin, started, “Energy manipulation.” As she spoke she stole the hat right off the top of Klaus’ head without moving a muscle.

“Hey, that’s mine,” Klaus whined. “Part of a new cowboy thing I’m thinking of trying out.”

Number Two feigned a frown. “But I like it…it’s mine now, okay?” As she spoke it was as if all of Klaus’ normal protests floated away. He smiled calmly and nodded, with Number Two nodding back at him.

“She’s also a glamour,” one of the Sparrows said with a sneer. “What ever happened to not using our powers on each other?”

“What ever happened to you not speaking unless being spoken to?” Number Two responded cuttingly, quickly returning to her perfect smiling pose. The other Sparrow groaned.

“I’m Number Three,” another girl continued. A girl, quite literally. Number Three appeared to be only nine or ten years old at best, with her long black hair braided into two perfect plaits. “I can do this.”

Without a moment passing Number Three grabbed a knife from her pocket and stabbed it into her cheek. The Umbrella Academy members watched in horror as the fifth grader smiled in amusement, her fellow Sparrows just observing casually like this was a regular day there.

“Number Three is our human voodoo doll,” Reginald said proudly.

“Emphasis on the doll,” Number Three said sweetly.

_“Emphasis on the doll,”_ the floating green box next to her repeated mockingly.

“Shut up Christopher!”

“Number Four, stop your teasing right now,” Reginald ordered.

The green box turned a muddy shade of yellow before quickly reverting back to its green form. “Fine,” he said bitterly. “Since the little brat always gets her way… I’m Number Four and I—“

“Wait,” Diego said, cutting him off. “This little green thing is one of your kids?”

“He’s not a thing,” Number Three corrected him sharped.

“Number Four suffered an unfortunate…accident,” Reginald said.

Number Four continued, “I absorb and release heat, and I guess I absorbed too much. Limits, who knew?”

“So you decided against the whole monkey DNA thing this time ‘round?” Klaus asked, Luther cutting his eyes at him.

“With every timeline we get a little bit closer to perfection,” Reginald said with a smirk.

“If everyone is done bitching…” the tall modelesque brunet said. “I’m Number Five.”

“New and improved…” Allison said, giving Number Five a good once over. Umbrella Five gagged.

“Is there any sibling you wouldn’t try to have a romantic connection with?” he said in disgust.

“I can fly,” Sparrow Five continued. “But I think my true talent is my charm and good looks.”

Numbers Three laughed, Sparrow Five frowning immediately.

“How many of you can say you’ve been offered an international modeling contract, huh? The world isn’t all about powers and flying and ‘Ooh, I can move stuff with my mind.’”

“Why are you dragging me into this?” Number Two said defensively.

“Well if the shoe fits, sister,” he replied.

“Why are we talking about shoes?” the blond with long hair asked. The other Sparrows shook their head.

“Number Six fell out of the nest at birth,” Number One said.

Number Six looked confused. “That doesn’t make any sense, we weren’t in a nest. Dad told me, we’re not really sparrows, that’s just the name.” He was so genuine and earnest it was almost endearing.

“Powers, Number Six,” Reginald demanded.

“Oh, uh, I can talk to animals,” he said with a smile. “They don’t always have a lot to say, but they help me out when I need them.”

“I see why he’s Number Six,” Luther said quietly. Diego elbowed him in the arm.

“Whatever happened to Team Zero?”

“That was about us, the Umbrella Academy, not these other weirdos. New timeline, new rules.”

“If you’re talking I can’t hear you,” Number Six said loudly.

Number Two groaned. “They aren’t talking to us, they’re talking about us.”

“Oh,” Six said with a frown. “Not cool, guys.”

“And that about wraps it up!” Reginald said to the group.

“What about Kieran?” Number Two asked.

Kieran, a short redhead put his hand on Two’s shoulder. “It’s not a problem, don’t worry about it.”

“No, it’s not okay,” Two argued. “Let Kieran go.”

Reginald took a deep breath. “Alright then, let’s hear it Number Seven.”

Kieran looked down at his feet, his lack of confidence resonating off of him from a distance. “I’m Number Seven, and I can um…I can, um…”

“Out with it, boy!”

“I can shapeshift,” Number Seven coughed out.

Diego nodded, impressed by the power. “Now that’s a cool one.”

Seven didn’t look too pleased with the attention. “It’s not a big deal.”

“No, it isn’t, so let’s wrap this up shall we?” Reginald said.

Number Two was angry, Kieran reaching over to pull her back from confronting their father. “You can’t let him treat you like that.”

“It’s okay, Rory, I’m okay,” he replied quietly. “It’s no big deal.”

—

In the great room the teams were invited to mingle. Reginald wanted the members of the Umbrella Academy to meet their better halves and see how much better his students had turned out this time.

Unfortunately, it was all for naught, because as some things changed other things stayed the same. Different names, different bodies, same old shit.

“He is such an asshole,” Number Two aka Aurora said to Diego and Luther. “I’d use my powers on him but apparently it only works on human men. What a pity.”

Across the room, Klaus was entertaining Numbers Five and Six.

“So a model, huh, that must be so difficult,” he said, overtly flirting with the tall Japanese boy he came to know as Yuki. “So much…walking.”

“Yeah, it’s a pretty important job,” Yuki replied. “I may not be saving the world, but I am definitely making people’s lives better, and that’s what really counts.”

Number Six, also known as Leo, nodded as he listened intently to his brother. It quickly became apparent to Klaus that these two were joined at the hip, if only because they shared a single brain between them.

Five and Allison got stuck with Numbers Three and Four. Christopher, as he insisted on being called, hung back as his significantly more aggressive sister worked the room.

“How long have you been going through puberty?” she asked Five.

“60 plus years. How long have you been four feet tall?”

“30 plus years,” Carla replied. “But on the bright side, I always eat free at IHOP.”

Number One hung back in the corner, not wanting to socialize with the rest of them. He was distrustful of the Umbrella Academy and their intentions, and although he was more timid than their Number One, he was still the leader of this team.

“So what’s up with Ben?” Allison asked Carla and Christopher.

“Who?”

“Ben, I mean, Number One. Is that whole dark brooding thing just an act or is he actually a vampire.”

“He’s just a loner,” Christopher assured her. “He’ll warm up to you. Joey’s never really been a team player.”

Carla hushed him, “Call him Joey and you’ll never hear the end of it. He’s just Number One now. So boring, so utilitarian.”

Kieran kept to himself in the doorway, lingering until he could officially leave and head back to his room in the basement. It was dark down there and free from all of this noise and socializing. Vanya approached him hoping to have some Number Seven solidarity.

“Kieran, is it? That’s Irish, right?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I think so. I just picked it because I like the Culkins and Macaulay seemed too out there.”

Vanya smiled, the redhead smiling weakly back at her.

“Is dad always like that with you?”

He opened his eyes wide and replied, “Not always. Just when he’s reminded of my limitations.”

“And what limitations are those?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” he scoffed.

“What do you mean, I grew up just like you. The forgotten Hargreeves, the weird one, the outcast…”

“You’re The White Violin, the most powerful of the Umbrella Academy,” he said. “You wouldn’t know what it’s like to be a loser.”

“I’m sure you’re not a loser.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“No, come on, show me. I promise I won’t call you names. I just…I’ve never met any other people like us before. Well except for one, and she was…a lot to handle.”

“Maybe later,” he replied, dejected. Thirty long years spent as the disappointment in the Hargreeves household will do that to you.

Vanya looked around the room to see if there was anybody easy to talk to. She had no idea what her dad’s (or not-dad’s) plans were and how the Umbrella Academy and Sparrow Academy would function. Turning back to her right, she saw a cat run across the floor. Instinctively, she reached down to pet it. She always wanted a pet growing up but was never allowed animals for reasons that were now quite clear to her. As she got her hand closer, the cat hissed and swatted at her.

“Jesus,” she said to herself.

“He said he doesn’t want you to touch him, you don’t know him like that,” Leo said from across the room. Vanya looked at the little ginger cat and his familiar golden brown eyes.

“Kieran?”


	2. Sparrows and Umbrellas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to continue this story and create some crossover between this and my Every Breath You Take story. If you want you can check that story out, although pieces of it won't come up until a bit later. Let me know if you liked this, I'm excited about the direction it's taking!

“Where the fuck is Klaus?” Five sneered bitterly. They had agreed on a set time and place to discuss the time travel…issue, and per usual, Klaus couldn’t be bothered to arrive on time.

Allison twirled her fingers through her hair, staring at the split ends like if she could just crack the riddle behind them she would be reunited with Claire again.

“Give him a break, Five, he’s adjusting,” she said, always trying to be the voice of reason in this shitshow of a family.

“Adjusting?” Diego repeated with a laugh. “We’re all adjusting - shit, we don’t even exist in this timeline. What are we doing here and how the hell are we gonna fix it?”

The group looked at Five who rolled his eyes and threw up his hands. “Don’t look at me,” he said. “I’m your apocalypse savior, not the one who holds the key to all mysteries of time and space.”

“Wow, we finally stumped him,” Diego replied.

“And it only took erasing ourselves from the timeline to do it,” Klaus said, strolling in with a cigarette in hand. The group glared at him. “What? It’s been a tough day, I think I deserve a little smokey-smoke.”

“So how do we do this?” Luther asked. “We go to the commission and we explain the situation, ask to get sent back to the past and then what?”

“That’s not gonna work,” Five said, exasperated. “And even if it did, how would we fix this? Go back in time and force the old man to adopt us thirty years ago?”

“Or go back and stop us from meeting him back in 1963,” Luther offered.

“And risk screwing up the timeline again and putting us all back where we started,” Diego finished for him. “So…we’re fucked.”

Vanya spoke up, a look on her face that said that she had cracked the code. “Why do we need to fix it at all?”

“What?” Allison said. The others looked at her with a mix of confusion and surprisingly deep thought.

“Why do we need to fix it?” She repeated. “Why can’t we just…I don’t know, move on from here?”

“Move on?” Luther asked.

“She’s right,” Klaus said. “We could just start over. The world’s not ending, we can go and do…whatever it is we did before the apocalypse.”

Diego shrugged. “It’s not the worst idea you’ve had.”

Luther thought about it before Allison piped up with, "No, that’s ridiculous.”

“Why?”

“We have lives back in our timeline,” she continued. “What about Claire?”

The others collectively sighed. It was true, Allison did have a life to go back to in the original timeline. And if they really thought about it, the others did too… to a significantly lesser degree.

“So what do you suggest, Number Three?” Five asked her.

Allison paused and bit her lip. She hadn’t gotten that far. As she was ready to stall, everyone turned their head to the creak in the floor of the community center conference room they chose as a meeting place. Beneath one of the windows outside was a familiar face lurking in the shadows.

“Shit,” Diego said under his breath. “Who told them we were meeting here?”

“Who?”

“Them!”

Out of the shadows, Aurora a.k.a. Number Two of the Sparrow Academy peeked out and feigned defeat. “Surprise,” she said, halfheartedly. “It’s funny because it’s…not a surprise, I guess.” She awkwardly walked into the conference room before being stopped by Diego.

“This is a private family meeting,” he said aggressively. “Umbrella Academy members only.”

She shrugged. “Well, to be fair, the Umbrella Academy doesn’t exist anymore, so…” She tried to sneak around him, but he grabbed her shoulder, surprising her. She wasn’t used to getting manhandled by men - she was used to being the one doing the bossing around.

“You don’t want to do that,” she said to him coyly, a flicker in her eye.

“I’m pretty sure I know what I want to do,” Diego replied, before stepping out of her way without a second thought.

“Thank you, other Two,” she said. “It’s always a pleasure talking with a peer.”

He frowned. Glamour was a small power, but a pain in the ass, especially for someone particularly susceptible to a female influence like him.

“So, what are you talking about?” Aurora asked the group.

“None of your business,” Five replied. “Why are you even here?”

“How did you know where we were?” Allison asked her.

“What, I can’t want to get to know my new family a little better?” She replied playfully.

“You're not our family,” Luther told her.

Aurora frowned. “Well that hurts,” she replied, feigning sadness. “And you weren’t that hard to find - someone here isn’t great at knowing when he’s being tailed.” She looked over at Klaus.

“Of course,” Diego said, throwing a hand up.

“What?” Klaus said. “It’s not my fault that I’m so attractive.” Aurora laughed slightly too hard at his comment.

“Yeah,” she said. “Sure. So, are you gonna fill me in now or…”

“Get out of here,” Five demanded.

Allison stood in front of Aurora, the latter throwing her hands up in defense. “Look, I’m not trying to get in your way here,” she said. “I just thought you could maybe use my help.”

“Why would we need your help?” Vanya asked softly.

“Finally, someone asking me a question nicely!” Aurora replied. “I might have some information that you would find useful…but I want something from you in return.”

“Tell us the information and then we’ll talk,” Luther said.

“Actually, I’m kind of curious about what she wants,” Klaus piped up. “Because if it’s me, I just recently got out of a pretty painful relationship, so I’m not really emotionally ready for anything right now—“

Aurora scoffed. “Thanks, ghost boy, but I’m more interested in…the fairer sex.” She looked over at Vanya with a smile that was quickly returned.

“No, I just want…” she continued. “To be a part of the family. I don’t know…you all seem like such a team, is it such a crime to want to be a part of that?”

“No, really,” Five said with a smile. “What do you really want?”

Sparrow No. 2 put her hands up. “That’s all.”

“And why can’t you just go be a family with the Sparrow Academy?”

She sighed. “You see, that’s the issue. We’re not really a family as much as we’re a… group of people raised together for a common goal.”

“Yeah, join the club,” Diego scoffed.

“It’s not just that, though…” she continued.

“Spit it out, we don’t have all day,” Five said.

“I’ve been told that in your timeline, the Umbrella Academy were heroes, right?”

They nodded. Despite his faults, it seemed like Reginald Hargreeves had good intentions with creating a group of superheroes for a new age. Even though in practice it was a complete shitshow, he tried to set them up to be assets to society.

“Well the Sparrow Academy aren’t heroes,” Aurora continued. “We never were and were never meant to be.”

“Then what are you ‘meant to be’?” Vanya asked.

“You’re villains, aren’t you,” Five asked the tall brunette.

She clapped in response. “Ding, ding, ding! You know I heard you were the smart one, but you’re really proving it tonight. Good for you.”

The others looked at each other in concern as Aurora smiled. “Oh, you’re still taking that all in aren’t you?”

She clenched her teeth.

“Ugh, I hate this part, so awkward. Do you want me to come back later, or…?”


	3. Seven Not Six

“Villains?” Luther repeated back to her. “You’re telling me dad saw us in the sixties and decided not only to skip over adopting us, but he also wanted to adopt six new kids and raise them to be supervillains?”

Aurora nodded along with him as he spoke. “Seven.”

“What?”

“He adopted seven new kids,” she corrected him. “Not six.”

“No, he adopted Ben ag—“ Klaus said before being shushed by Five.

“So let’s say that what you’re saying is true,” Five said, walking towards Aurora. “Why should we trust you? What are you getting out of helping us and screwing over your own family?”

She put up a finger. “Once again, we’re not a family. Dad always made that aggressively clear,” she clarified. “And I don’t know, you tell me. Why would I want to screw over the man that used to strap me down and throw glass bottles at my head to force me to dodge them with my telekinesis?” She feigned being deep in thought.

“Oh, yeah! Fuck that guy,” she finished. “And the rest of them too, they’re all assholes.”

“And I thought we were fucked up,” Diego said.

“I’m sure you are!” She said. “But you’re not the only ones with a grudge against Reginald Hargreeves. And he wanted to take you by surprise and kill you all to set the tone for his New World Order, or whatever. I thought it might as well be a fair fight.”

“So you’re working with them,” Luther said, rubbing his head with his hands.

“I mean, yeah, I guess. In a way…”

“But you’re also trying to help us?”

“I’m trying, but you don’t seem to be liking it…”

She hopped off the table and walked towards the door. “Anyways, just thought I’d give you the head’s up. I’m outta here.”

“Where are you going? Back to the mansion to double cross us?” Diego asked her.

“Technically it wouldn’t be double crossing you, since I’m already double crossing them,” she said, thinking aloud. “But I’m not the sharpest tack, so you tell me.”

Diego thought about it, visualizing it above his head like he was solving a math problem.

“And no, I’m an independent woman, I’m not going to my dad’s house,” she clarified. “I’m going to the condo my sugar daddy bought me, because I don’t need a man.”

“Aren’t you…” Klaus said, his eyes shifting.

“A lesbian?” She asked. “Yeah, what about it?” As she turned to head to the door, Five stopped her.

“When is it happening?”

“What?”

“The end of the world,” he said. “Or, I don’t know, the rise of the Sparrow Academy.”

“Two weeks from today,” she said. “You would have had a little more time, but you arrived later than expected. You might wanna work on that.”

She walked out the door before throwing a card on the conference room table.

“Call me if you need me!” She shouted as Diego looked over the card she left behind.

“Aurora Hargreeves, The Girlfriend Experience.”

—

“Why can’t this family ever be normal and just get together on holidays?” Vanya asked aloud.

“Because we’re cursed,” Diego answered her. “Cursed to roam the earth like a bunch of little sad cockroaches.”

Allison groaned. “So are we going to figure this out, or what? Because I need to get back to see Claire, and I can’t do that if I get publicly murdered by the bird academy.”

“Should we trust her?” Vanya asked the group. “I mean how do we know she’s telling the truth.”

“She has no reason to lie about it,” Five replied.

“And she has such pretty eyes,” Diego said softly, shaking his head immediately after. “Shit, she has a way of sticking in your head after getting inside it.” He tapped the side of his head like it would get her out of it.

“So we save the world again, go back in time, bada-bing-bada-boom, Allison sees Claire again, and we’re all happy,” Klaus summarized.

“Easier said than done,” Five said.

“You wanna know something weird?” Klaus said, thinking aloud. “Ever since we got back, I haven’t seen any ghosts.”

Allison smirked at him. “That’s a good thing, right?”

“I guess, it’s just…strange.”

Five thought to himself before squeezing his fists tightly. He closed his eyes and clenched his fists again, only to open them again with a grunt.

“Shit,” he said. “I knew this was a possibility but I didn’t…”

“What?” Diego asked.

Five stood up straighter and took a deep breath. “We don’t have our powers anymore.”

Allison and Luther laughed at him, while Klaus, Vanya, and Diego just stared in horror.

“What?” Diego repeated.

“We don’t have our—“

“I heard you,” Diego shouted. “What do you mean we don’t have our powers anymore?”

He grabbed a book and threw it in the air, trying to curve its trajectory with his mind, only for it to fall clumsily to the ground. He grabbed another and another, trying in vain to get his powers to work like they did just one day ago.

Allison turned to Luther, him nodding as she said her classic phrase, “I heard a rumor…that you slapped yourself in the face.” He continued to stare at her, his face growing in horror.

“We don’t have our powers anymore,” Luther repeated.

Klaus closed his eyes and reopened them over and over again. “Holy shit,” he said. “For the first time in my life I don’t have to be high not to see ghosts everywhere… this fucking rocks.”

The others looked at him with disdain. “What? Your guys’ powers are cool and fun, mine are terrifying.”

“What the fuck happened?” Diego asked Five.

“I think that we lost our powers when we joined this new timeline,” he answered.

“How?”

“Well in theory we might have created a massive paradox,” Five answered.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“It means that if we already exist in this timeline, then our powers might not have traveled with us because…” he trailed off.

“Because why?”

“Because we already exist here,” Allison answered for him.

They all looked around at each other. The possibility of other versions of them running around the world ran through their heads.

“Why…” Luther thought aloud.

“If dad never adopted us then…we are still out there somewhere, living normally,” Vanya said.

“How normal can we be?” Klaus said with a laugh before thinking to himself. “Ah shit, sucks to be other Klaus.”

They all looked at each other with a mix of desperation and fear.

“So…” Allison started. “What do we do now?”


	4. Three-Ring Binder

The six of them walked into the glass skyscraper in the center of town, desperate for answers and suddenly grateful that they had one of the Sparrows on their side. No matter how much they didn’t trust her.

“Well, well, well,” Aurora said, welcoming them into her penthouse apartment. “Look what the cat dragged in.”

Five rolled his eyes. “For the record: we didn’t come because we wanted to.”

Aurora clutched her heart in faux despair. “Ugh, Five, that hurts! No, no, you came because you need my help. Ah how the turns have tabled.”

“Jesus, she is just like our Number Two.”

Diego shoved him in the shoulder and whispered for him to shut up.

“So what do you want?” She said, taking a seat on the couch. “Because I’m guessing you’re not looking for the whole Girlfriend Experience… it would be pretty expensive for a group of your size.” As she looked them all up and down, Vanya blushed.

“What do you know about us?” Allison asked her.

“I know everything about you,” Aurora answered, taking a sip of wine. “Dad made it our jobs to know. I know your names, where you were born, what your powers are…”

Luther stopped her, “We need to know where we were born. Anything you know that could help us find ourselves.”

Aurora’s face quirked up in thought. “That’s so…philosophical. I didn’t expect Spaceboy to be so deep.”

He shook his head, Allison finishing his question for him. “We need to find the alternate versions of ourselves—fast. Can you help us with that?”

The brunette sighed. “Well, I guess since you asked nicely…” She walked over to her bookshelf and pulled out a three-ring binder at least two inches thick. The front of it just had an umbrella logo printed on it, a classic case of Reginald Hargreeves subtlety.

She dropped it down on the coffee table in front of them.

“There you go,” she said. “Have at it.”

She got up and turned to walk away.

“Where are you going?” Vanya asked her.

“To bed,” she replied. “Unlike you guys, I don’t have a death wish looming over my heads. Sweet dreams!”

The six of them got down to parsing apart the book about their lives, Klaus putting his feet up on the coffee table. As she walked to the bedroom she called out.

“Shoes off!”

—

“Ivan Kasich, born in Kiev, Ukraine on October 1st, 1989,” Luther said aloud. “Adopted by Mary and John East, new name Jonathan East, Jr., current residence…got it.”

“Where is it?” Diego asked.

“St. Cloud, Minnesota. Where’s that?”

“In the middle of tater tot casserole nation,” Klaus joked as Luther frowned at him.

“Okay, smartass, what did you find?”

“Mario Paeke, ooh la la, très European!” Klaus exclaimed. “Born in East Berlin, German Democratic Republic, October 1st, blah blah blah…raised by grandmother Christine Paeke, currently living in Munich.”

He sighed.

“I always knew I was meant to be European. I never did fit in with you disgusting Americans,” he exaggerated, playfully pushing Diego as he spoke.

“Shut up,” Diego said shoving him away. “And anyway, apparently I’m not even American. Diego Aguirre-Cortes—“

“Wait, your name in this timeline is still Diego?” Vanya asked him.

“If it’s right, it’s right,” he replied. “Born in Nicaragua to Bianca Maria Aguirre-Cortes, current residence Austin, Texas. Status…undocumented.”

He sighed.

“Great, this is gonna be fantastic,” he said sarcastically. “Rootin’, tootin’ Texas and an undocumented Central American, what can go wrong?”

Vanya put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “If it makes you feel any better, I got rehomed four times as a kid.”

“Well, you didn’t get rehomed,” Allison clarified.

“I might as well have…” Vanya continued. “Alexandra Kovaleva kept getting given up until I got adopted by…Amy and Nicole Berrini of…also Austin, Texas, apparently.”

“Score!” Klaus shouted before being hushed quiet by Allison. “You got adopted by lesbians, that’s the golden ticket!”

The comment got a smile and a chuckle out of an otherwise downtrodden Vanya.

“Abigail Jackson was a foster kid who won a college scholarship for…guess what?” Allison said aloud. “Speech and debate.” The group laughed at the complete absurdity of it all.

“Apparently she wasn’t the only one that figured out how to use her power for good. She graduated, became an attorney, and got married to a guy named Johnny. Current residence is St. Cloud…”

“Minnesota,” Luther finished for her. They both looked at each other.

“How did you know that?”

He held up his documentation and pointed to the name of John East Jr.’s spouse: Abigail East, née Jackson.

“Oh Christ, you two couldn’t even stay away from each other in a new timeline?” Klaus asked.

Luther threw a pillow at Klaus’ head. “That is…really interesting,” Allison said, quietly, avoiding making eye contact with anyone, especially Luther. Meanwhile, Five kept clawing through pages and pages of documents in the binder, muttering to himself in frustration.

“What’s wrong?” Allison asked him, hoping to distract from the current situation.

“I can’t find anything in here about me…”

“What? There has to be something,” she said. She looked around for a missing page somewhere, poking Klaus to help her look. He shuffled around for a bit before looking at the paperwork in his hands.

“Ruh roh,” he said, clenching his teeth.

“What?” Allison replied.

“I don’t think Five is gonna like this…”

“What are you talking about?” Five said, snatching the paper out of Klaus’ hands. He read it over, then rubbed his eyes and read it again. And again. “This can’t be accurate.”

“It seems pretty official…"

“There has to be a mistake.”

“What?” Luther and Diego asked. Vanya looked on, curiously trying to look over Five’s shoulder.

“Michael Paeke, born in East Berlin, raised by his grandmother…” Five said slowly. “Fraternal twin brother of…”

“Mario Paeke,” Klaus finished for him. “Come here little bro!”

He threw his arms around his (little) twin brother, Five fighting him tooth and nail as the rest of the group just laughed.


End file.
